Let's Not Fight Like Brothers, OK?

Two arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was getting settled in when the arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke." The Marine said, "Oh, don't get up. I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When he returned, the other arab said, "That looks really good. I think I'll go get one." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped into his shoes. And he knew immediately what had happened.

The Marine says, "Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This spitting in shoes? This pissing in Cokes?"

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Dear Friends and Volunteers:

I have the privilege of being in charge of raising money for a monument of George Dubya Bush. And I am proud to report success.

We are placing this monument near the statue of Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he didn't know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been -- and the best thing of all: he did it on other people's money.

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My favorite word today is religions. N., fee fie fo fum. Def.: Things that are all basically founded on guilt but with different holidays.