How to Get to Be Red in the Neck

You know you're a redneck when:

You take your dog for a walk and you use the same tree.

Your boat has not left the driveway for 15 years.

You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your llama breeding isn't exactly working out.

You have a complete set of salad bowls that say "Cool Whip" on the side.

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

+ + + + + + + +

My favorite phrase today is rack of lamb. N., like a rack of antlers. Def.: Same as a school of fish.