Giggling Permitted; Also Yawning

Carolina Sister and Prudence Corsetstay, two of the stalwarts in The Old People's Home, were out having a cigarette in the rain the other day. Ms. Sister pulled out a condom, clipped the end off it, fit it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Prudence: "What the hell is that?"

Carolina: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

The next day Prudence hied herself to the pharmacy and asked for a box of condoms. The pharmacist gives her a strange look, on accounta she is easily in her mid-80's. But he goes along with it.

Pharmacist: "Uh, what brand would you like?"

Prudence: "Don't matter, as long as fits on a Camel."

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Did you see this? "Peruvian officials saved some 4,000 endangered frogs from being whizzed into popular drinks after they were found hidden in an abattoir....Frog cocktails are popular in the Andes because of their supposed aphrodisiac qualities." --Reuters.

Now, if Ol' Hoss can convince those el stupidos that they can get the same turn-on from slugs, I'll be glad to grind up every slug in Oregon for their drinking pleasure. I could Make My Pile.

"Abattoir" is my newest strange word.

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Our candidate for President, Maxine Knowsall, bitch-slapped a right-wing radio commmentator who accused her of being an atheist.

"Wipe your mouth, sonny. There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips."

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You know how those search engines will come up with oddball phrases that direct people to your site? Even though you can't figure out why? I got one, from Yahoo. It said: "hot bitches for Arabs."

Hoss has NOT ONCE written about hot bitches. I DID once say that some of my best friends aren't Arabs.

You suppose they were talking about the inmate we got here name of Wilda Tightbuns?

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There was a remark from a lady about my piece yesterday, saying she didn't know there was such a word as "ursine" (bear-like qualities). She also said she didn't understand why the NFL has the Chicago Bears when there are no bears in Chicago. She's right about that, and this fall they will be renamed the Chicago Ursines.

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Matey says:

Get forgiveness now. Tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.