I Tell You About My Music, Not

There's this sharpie named Vicki who has saddled the Ol' Hoss with some work. It's one of them damned me-me-me-me things. She has rode me hard and put me away wet, because this one is about music, and I ain't into music. I am more of a medulla oblongata type. I think music is in some other part of the brain stem, maybe the cerebellum:

"Indicate the route to my abode,
"I'm fatigued and I want to retire.
"I drank a small intoxicant
"Some sixty minutes ago,
"And it went right to my cerebellum."

As you can see, this is how us Mensas sing "Show Me the Way to Go Home." My publishing this is just proof that smart people can learn about music if we want to. Well, anyway, here's what the Vickster posed:

"What is the total volume of musical files on your computer?"

Zip, nada, ought, zilch, zero, nicht verstehen, no comprehende.

"What song are you listening to right now?"

Well, see, I got a problem. My wife is watchin' the teevee, and we ain't got no any earphones, so I can't listen to nothin' now. But if I could, I'd probably be zonked out on my all-time favorite by Little Jimmy Dickens, "Take an Old Cold Tater and Wait.":

"When I was a little boy,
"Around the table at home,
"I remember very well when company would come.
"I would have to be right still
"Until the whole crowd ate.
"My Momma always said to me, Jim take a tater and wait."

And so on.

"What was the last CD you bought?"

"Backroom Songs and Bawdy Ballads." This is really good because it's dirty-mouth suggestive and it's got swear words in it. I love me some swear words.

"List five songs you listen to a lot and which mean something to you."

1. "When the Caissons Go Rolling Along." I like this one because it reminds me of war, which by my way of thinking is the epitome of a good time for all.

2. "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth." This is the onliest prayer of all the ones that I have sent upstairs that Big Ernie ever answered.

3. "Yes, We Have No Bananas." I enjoy this song because I'm one of the few people who think it makes sense.

4. "California Here I Come." I liked this song when I was living in Washington State. Then I got to California and it was too damn hot. Maybe this is a formerly favorite song.

5. "Whatever Song the Fat Lady Sings." This one has special meaning to me. Every time I hear this song I know the Opera is about over and I can get out of there and go get a beer. This song is rife with meaning.

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Latigo Flint wrote: "I'm picturing you naked missy, and there's not a dern thing you can do about it."

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My favorite word today is codgertate. v. slang. Def.: When old people think about spuds.