Here Is Your Math Lesson

As you well know, I am incarcerated in a Home for People of the Octogenarian Persuasion because I am 74 186/365ths years along. And yet I am keeping up with you young whippersnappers. Sometimes I get ahead of the pack. For instance, I surf the internet by going "Point and Click." This is a method way ahead of its time. Probably I shouldn't have told you; now everybody will be doing it.

Anyways, I am pointing and clicking away and one time I land on the site of a fella named Shane. He is a Briton, but that don't keep him from being a helluva good writer, even if he does have to write in English. T'other day Shanester gave me the address of a place called Liff. I would provide you with a link but you don't want to go there because you would be there all day. The authors of that page provide us with, I guess, over a thousand words that aren't words, plus their definitions. As in:

"Cairnpat -- A large piece of dried dung found in a mountainous terrain above the cowline, which leads the experienced tracker to believe that hikers have recently passed."

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Another buddy told me about his recent purchase of stuff at a Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took his $2 and was trying to figure out the change. He took 8 cents from his pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, confused. He told her to just give him two quarters, but she decided to call the manager. When he tried to explain it, she stood there and cried. This is probably why:

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math in 1990: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 2000:By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? How did the forest birds and squrrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math in 2010: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production...

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My favorite word today is cairnpat.

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Matey says:

Q.: What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
A.: Not enough sand.