In Re: Hoss, Who Loves State Songs

Since I'm so damn old, I better get after tellin' you the 100 or 300 special things that go into making up an Ol' Hoss. It always amazes me there ain't more call for this. People here in The Ancients' Abode love to hear me talk about myself. Well, I'm pretty sure they do. The ones who can't walk.

58. When I was growing up I loved reading the Sunday comics. One of my favorites was Smokey Stover, a firefighter, whose favorite word was "foo." The word would appear hit-or-miss throughout the strip. His 2-wheeled fire truck was named Foo. He told us, "Where there's foo there's fire." And: "Many smoke, but foo men chew." I love me some Smokey Stover.

59. Most people will marvel upon seeing a rising moon. My wife has gotten used to it. I show her a rising moon every morning when I get out of bed.

60. I have a stepdaughter who has been certified "crazy" by two different psychiatrists. She didn't get it from me, because I've got an Ouija Board. This is why I always vote for swamis, gazers and prestidigitators.

61. I have a brother who's got his name tatooed on his whang: "Dick."

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When I was lookin' up state mottos I couldn't help but discovere the state songs, some of which are pretty sappy (California: "I Love You, California"). Some are pretty snappy (Connecticut: "Yankee Doodle Dandy").

Some states go overboard. Tennessee has FOUR official state songs, including, of course, "The Tennessee Waltz" and "Rocky Top." Missouri, of course, has "The Missouri Waltz." (I was pretty sure Missouri's song was "You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine." But I guess not.)

You'll recall that I suggested, a couple of days ago, that Virginia should update its state motto. But to show that Virginians are hep to modern times they HAVE updated the state song. It is: "Carry Me Back to Old Virginia." When I was in grade school, all the song books listed this one as "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny." The title has been politically corrected.

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My favorite word today is carbuncle. n. Def.: The locking mechanism of an automobile seat belt. (People who bought this also bought carbunco. n. Def.: Transportation to a dice game.)

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Ol' Hoss says:

Why did nobody correct him when my preacher grandfather preachified to "My brethren and cistern"?